A fair warning before you read on, this blog post is going
to get highly personal and some information may be upsetting.
1 in 4 British adults will suffer with a mental health
problem at one stage in their life, with 1 in 6 people experiencing a common mental
health problem like anxiety and depression in any given week in England. Using
statics from MIND, a mental health charity here in the UK, 20.6 out of 100
people have had suicidal thoughts, 6.7 in 100 people have attempted suicide and
7.3 in 100 people have self-harmed. Mental health is one of the most important
things to look after, it’s the same as physical health. You would treat a
physical injury; therefore, you must treat a mental injury such as PTSD and
other mental health related illnesses. Through medication, therapy, self-help group
and my choice of therapy is exercise which is I became a personal trainer in
the first place, to help others in my situation change their life around. My
platform is to help educate people on the issues that face people today in regards
to mental health, to encourage others to open up and not be afraid of the
stigma but embrace that part of themselves. In the future I would love to be
involved more with mental health charities around the UK, but my aim is to keep
mental health relevant.
Before I competed in pageants, mental health wasn’t really
talked about in my life, on social media I would put up a front, only select
the positive memories from my life and hide behind a smile in a selfie. When
people find out I suffer from depression they are confused because I always seem
so happy, always laughing and finding the joy in life. Let me take you behind
the scenes.
Forever proud of my tattoo
When I was younger I was sexually abused by someone I should
have been able to trust, I was being bullied at school and it seemed I could
not awake from the nightmare that I was living at just aged 10. I decided that
if no one would believe me, then I would take myself away from it all and that
was when I tried to take my own life. It’s shocking to read when it’s written
in words so plain to see but that was the beginning of my life. As I got older,
although too scared to self-harm or try and take my life again I fell into a
depressive state. I chose a man who was physically and emotional abusive
because I didn’t know any different. I wanted to help change this alcoholic and
care for him but 4 years of damage I could not keep up anymore. That’s when pageants
entered the scene. I had just started going to the gym, losing weight and
gaining what little confidence I could salvage. A friend suggested Miss
Wiltshire so I signed up, never would I have dreamed I would place runner up in
my first pageant and fall in love with the pageant industry. This changed my
life for the better, although the man I was with after all that heartache wasn’t
much better. He didn’t believe in depression, and he wasn’t supportive of
pageants in the slightest but it made me feel like I belonged.
My first pageant!
Of course, my personal life would take a hold, and the man
who I loved despite his flaws, left me 6 months before our wedding for another
woman. I watched as they got married and had children which was all I had ever
dreamed about. I couldn’t eat, sleep, I took no pleasure from anything anymore.
I tried to hide my depression in that relationship but I could not control it
anymore. But once again, pageants stepped in. I made a group of pageant queen
friends which helped me over the heartache, the Wiltshire Beauty Queens. We
went on so many appearances, helped different charities, the occasional nights
out and even holidays together created a bond that could not be broken. We
helped build each other up, in moments of self-doubt we were there for each
other. I used to hide my depression but when I did a pageant video on my
depression, so many pageant queens came forward saying they suffer to! It was
no longer a dirty secret, which is what society used to put depression into.
Even though weddings hold bad memories, appearances with friends made it better
Through Pageantry I have met some incredible woman who have
suffered from all types of abuse and come out on top, wining international
crowns and inspiring others to follow suit, pageant queens who have embraced
their imperfections and talked so honesty about their life experiences. Here in
the pageant industry, we build each other up, we help inspire others, be true
to ourselves but also help those in need. The crowns we wear do not define us,
they enhance us and help us achieve our true potential.
(Being friends with the amazing Jade, a supporter of mental health. Also being a titleholder of Miss Beauty UK which supports Great Minds- a mental health charity in Wales)
If you are suffering with any form of mental health, it is
not your fault, it is completely natural to feel how you feel and there is
nothing wrong with you. There are so many places and organisations that can
help, reach out as you are not alone. Keep on talking about mental health, talk
to your friends, never forget you are loved even if it doesn’t feel like it!!!
(My life savers <3)
Thank you for reading such a personal blog entry of mine,
but It is important to talk!! I will end on a much happier note of how through
pageantry my mental health is so much better, there are always people that may
not believe or mock mental health but I know that every day is a gift and a
blessing. 2018 holds so many amazing memories to make, I can’t wait to share
all those memories with you!!
Next pageant blog piece next Thursday will be all about the
Food Bank and Homeless drives
Lots of love
Hannah
X <3 X
Young European Ms International 2017/18
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